Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
