Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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