dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
