How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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