I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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