I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
It's blow job season.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
