I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
