i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
