Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
