Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
