So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
