You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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