She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
