I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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