i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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