my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
