i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
