Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
