Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
