oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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