Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Your shirt... Was in my pants
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
