I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
