i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
