i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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