It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
