I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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