i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
