we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
