just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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