i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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