dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
