dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
