Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
