Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
