Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
