I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
