plz talk dirty to me
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
