ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
my being single is dangerous.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
