i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
