when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
