last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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