The maid of honor just puked.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
