U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
