Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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