i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Randomize
