He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
