I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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