biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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