Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
