Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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