hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
