my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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