Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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