So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Enjoy the penises
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
