no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
