the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
