Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
