I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
