Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
